A Day In Court

I was in court all day clerking a multi-track civil trial. In those days it meant that the amount of money involved was over fifteen thousand pounds, witnesses would be involved and that the trial would last for at least a day, probably spreading out over more days. The Circuit Judge would be dressed in full regalia and the barristers for the claimant and defendant would also be dressed in appropriate legal robes. Wigs would definitely be worn and trial bundles distributed between the parties and the Court many weeks before the trial started.

I sat in my place of honour before the Judge facing out over the congregants and stood and bowed to him as he entered. After Amelia shouted in her loudest voice All Rise I called on the Trial in my poshest voice by stating the name of the claimant versus the name of the defendant.  Sitting down at at my desk I  faced the hall looking serious and stern; making sure that they could see I was an important official of the trial; I even had my smart black trouser suit on. The tapes whirred round as I made some scribblings in my court ledger of who the litigants and representatives were, and the tape numbers and numbers on the tape counter that correlated with when the various people started speaking. It was all very technical and hallowed.

I then wanted to look even more serious with substance so I put on the the head phones, nodded knowingly at the tape counter and sound indicators, and made little adjustments with the switches while looking at the Judge speaking and the barristers answering as though I was an experienced sound technician. Really, I didn't know what I was doing and hoped that the tape would have recorded the speech clearly despite my interference and twiddling.  Wanting to keep up the pretence of  looking considerably high level I kept repeating the head phone and knob fiddling routine at regular intervals.

I listened closely to the legal arguments and then the first witness was called. It was a very complicated case involving accountancy jargon and economic procedure, who owed what amount of money to who, and did they really owe it, had they already paid it in a different way, was it really owed to the tax man.  Why had it disappeared?  In the end I didn't have a clue what was going on; it all went right over my head. This was not surprising really, I was not legally trained and I am certainly not an accountant, but the Judge and the barristers seemed to know what they were talking about.

It dragged on and on. During the afternoon session the Judge called for half an hour's recess around three o'clock. Great, a tea break. The congregation all stormed out of the back door for a brew and a pee. The Judge, Amelia and myself left through the door behind his throne and entered the back corridor reserved for the Judiciary. The Judge threw open the window in the corridor opening onto the park behind and produced a packet of cigarettes, handed one to Amelia and to me.  She took hers and I refused mine. Then he got out a silver cigarette lighter and lit both the cigarettes.  He and Amelia hung half out out of the open window puffing away merrily. We watched the smoke curl away into the blue sky.

Nicotine fix taken, they retracted their heads into the corridor. He looked at us both, and began to chat.

“Well I haven't got a fucking clue as to what is going on” he revealed with a laugh. “I am in a fog as to this one. I've got no idea as to what is going on. Have you got any suggestions Amelia?”

“No Judge” she replied. “It seems like one big mess,” laughing and shaking her head as she said it.

“What about you Sarah? Have you got any insights?”

“No” I replied, “I haven't got a clue. I don't even understand what is going on.”

“Me too!” he said as he gave out a big belly laugh. “And I have to give a judgment on it. Shall we go back in for the second round?”  He opened the court room door for us.  And we all trundled back into the court room.